Before Christmas I sat on a pew in my church and listened as two visiting missionaries lead us through a training to help equip us with tools to share our story and the Gospel of Jesus with others. At the conclusion of the evening Keith and Talia Comer challenged those in attendance to share our story of faith with someone in the next two weeks (Check out their work at http://www.goandshine.org/).  I thought that was simple enough but I was SO wrong.  I spent the next week driving to work with their words echoing in my mind trying to make sense of how I could summarize my story to someone in just a few minutes.  That week lead to the business of planning a birthday party and then the holidays…and the challenge quickly faded into the background.  On New Years Day basking in the popular theme of making resolutions, I took a hard look at my life and decided that I needed to make some priority changes and start putting my energy into things that matter the most.  I tried to map out in my mind how I could make small changes to work up to a “new and improved” 2.0 version of myself and the testimony challenge once again resurfaced in my thoughts.

If I am going to start a blog I cannot think of a more fitting topic to introduce myself than that of my testimony. If I haven’t bored you by now or maybe you’re a little curious let me introduce you to #thisismystory.  I pray that He will strengthen me and you through this blog and that others may see His perfect and abundant love for all of us.  It is scary to put yourself out there but the greatest reward is not of earthly things.  So on this Easter Eve, here it goes…

Looking back over the course of my life it is now clearer the older I get that God truly is in control. There is no way I accidentally fell into places at the perfect time to just “happen” across people and situations that could shape my life into the beautiful mess that it is today.  He has a plan.  A perfect plan – that even when we think our world is falling apart and there is no saving it…there is light at the end of the tunnel if we trust in his promises.  God’s love is always enough no matter the circumstances if we will humble ourselves to “let go and let God”.

My sophomore year of high school I hopped on a bus with my best friend and headed with her youth group to Panthers Stadium in Charlotte, NC for a Billy Graham Crusade.  In typical teenage fashion hardly any of the teens on board had paid any attention to the weather but as we headed down I-85 the black clouds were swirling and rain began pounding the windows about the time the stadium came into sight.  It didn’t let up all through the musicians sets with everyone drenched and hovering under trash bags ripped in half as makeshift shelters.  We bought newspapers to spread out in layers on our laps to try to absorb some of the water.  My mind was nowhere near focusing on what the speakers had to say, however when Billy Graham stepped on stage and prayed for God to hold off the rain long enough for him to deliver his message…and the rain ceased…it caught my attention.  I held on to his every word forgetting my friends around me and when he asked us to look into our hearts and surrender to Jesus I did just that.  It is one of those moments that echo in my mind quite often.  Even now, I can close my eyes and picture that day and hear his voice like it was yesterday.  Click here to see a summary of this crusade and others: http://billygrahamlibrary.org/crusade-city-spotlight-charlotte-nc/

I don’t think for me it was this earth-shattering moment that I just by chance got on that church bus that day though. The seed had been planted from the time I was a little child attending church weekly.  I grew up with strong religious role models on both sides of my family so “God” was not a new concept.  I remember feeling excited to get to ride home from church with my grandparents for a weekly family meal when I was a young girl.  My grandfather, a pastor, would be in deep conversation with my grandmother about his sermon and the issues and concerns of the church.  They had no idea that little girl in the back seat was listening very closely and taking notes.  I try to be mindful of that today when my husband and I are in conversation while traveling.  Every now and then when I think my daughter is busy looking out the window she will surprise us by adding something to our “adult” conversation.  It is never too early to introduce big concepts to our little ones.  I believe they are capable of understanding more than we sometimes acknowledge.

My grandfather baptising my mother when she was a child.

College days can be challenging for even the most stable and level-headed of young adults. For me it was a time of true independence to stretch my legs and dream of the impossible and try out new adventures.  I’ve always had a flair for new places and new experiences and college didn’t disappoint.  Fortunately for me, I was grounded in a strong conscience of “doing what was right, even if no one was looking” due in part to positive role models in my life.  So while I clearly wasn’t perfect, I had God’s grace and mercy that I know protected me through some times that looking back I did not make the smartest of decisions.  That freshman spring break trip to Miami Beach…what was I thinking?  The 10-hour lone trek to Kentucky to visit a friend without any directions (GPS didn’t really exist then…we had printed Mapquest at best) was not intelligent in any way, just to name a few examples.  In all those life experiences God was there and through chalk invites on a brickyard and a big sis in my sorority I came to become a part of Campus Crusade for Christ where fellowship among similar individuals kept me accountable.  I became more aware of my need to spend time studying the Bible to grow closer to Him.  There was one particular Crusade night held in the historic Reynolds Coliseum that again is one of those “moments” for me.  It was right before Easter and our speaker was using the movie The Green Mile as a comparison to Jesus’ life.  It was phenomenal discussion and I will never forget hearing for the first time the song  “Thief” by Third Day .  To this day it is one of my absolute favorites…even though it’s quite a tough song to process as it is written from the standpoint of the thief that was on the cross next to Jesus.

College days had passed and I found myself engaged to a handsome young man (the same “farmer” who inspired the name of this blog) who had my same outlook on life. I had been given an awesome job opportunity to start a program at a new high school from scratch.  Ambitious and full of energy I set out on what would become a kamikaze mission of building a strong program at all personal costs.  I had my priorities set on professional gain without putting much attention into anything else in my life including my spiritual walk and working on a strong foundation for my marriage.  After two years the newlywed phase had clearly wore off and the strain of my husband and I lacking the right priorities in our lives had taken their toll.  We found ourselves searching for answers that could only be found if we laid all our troubles, and hurts, and angry words, and mistakes at the feet of the only one who loves perfectly.  A decade later we look back on that time with sadness but also thanksgiving that we were able to humble ourselves and “let go and let God” rebuild what is the most sacred of relationships ever commissioned by God – marriage (Matthew 19:6).  I can’t imagine my life without him, nor do I ever want to.  What blessings we would have missed if we had taken a worldly approach and went our separate ways.

We had happiness in that we were finally focused on leading God-centered lives and were excited to start growing our family beyond our furry friends.  While in college a botched appendectomy and adhesions had wrecked havoc on my ability to start a family.  We were sent into yet another tailspin when after yet another surgery I was told our only chance at having biological children was through procedures such as IVF.   The next few years brought a whole new series of heartache.  Conversation surrounding infertility tends to make people feel uncomfortable and the result is a deafening silence. Unless you’ve been through it it’s hard to fully understand.  The treatments aren’t covered typically by insurance and the costs can add up to amounts that could easily purchase a car.  The long processes are painful physically, emotionally, mentally, and for me even spiritually as we were faced with decisions that challenged beliefs at our core.  All in all we went through the IVF process three times and I wonder often how differently my life could have been.  I still cry for the babies we lost but God is the great healer and comforter and just when I think I am in the depths of once again a pity party a loving friend happens along to give a hug or the perfect song comes on the radio (most recently is  Lauren Daigle’s Trust in You).  During our first IVF cycle our pastor encouraged me to read Steven Furtick’s book Sun Stand Still.  Though nothing can compare with the scripture straight from the Bible, in those moments God used this book to help me understand the power and might that He holds and that He is still in the business of miracles.  Now, when I look at my daughter I am humbled daily that God entrusted us to be her parents, and it empowers me to work even harder to show him praise and honor for that privilege.

Growing up one of my favorite church hymns was “Blessed Assurance”.  I love the lyrics:

Blessed Assurance Jesus is mine

O what a foretaste of glory divine

Heir of salvation, purchased of God

Born of His Spirit, washed in His Blood

This is my story, this is my song

Praising my Savior all the day long

This is my story, this is my song

Praising my Savior all the day long

Perfect submission, perfect delight

Visions of rapture now burst on my sight

Angels descending, bring from above

Echoes of mercy, whispers of love

This is my story, this is my song

Praising my Savior all the day long

Last Sunday my pastor’s sermon was encouraging us to not be afraid in sharing our faith as missionaries in our everyday lives.  It stepped on my toes a bit.  We’re so quick to fire off our love and support for a sports team, comment on the latest #trending event, or even speak out in our strong opinions of political debates (I am guilty of EVERY one of these).  Why is it then that we find it so challenging to speak out boldly on our faith for God…the one who on this day (Good Friday) died publicly for my sins, so that I could be saved and one day join him in Heaven?  For the unbeliever this may sound like nonsense but I assure you that my life is full of so much joy even on my worst days because of his amazing love.  I pray that if you are reading this and you haven’t had any “moments” in your life where you felt this blanket of assurance and comfort…that you seek out a church that uses the Bible as their foundation this Sunday morning and attend.  Take an hour of your day…if for no other reason but out of curiosity and attend a worship service.  It’s not scary.  People won’t look at you strange (and if they do it’s THEIR problem, not yours).  I can’t think of a better day to attend church than on the day Christians celebrate when Jesus was resurrected from the tomb!

I leave you with this. I hope you have found through my transparency a nugget of commonality that somehow may enrich your life and be encouragement to keep moving forward to seek God’s plan – no matter where you may be in life.  I fail daily and reguarly borrow a line from another favorite song written by Matthew West, “He’s not finished with me yet” and neither is he finished with you!  There’s a magnet on my fridge that summarizes my thoughts today.  It reads, “God sees us as we can be, but loves us as we are.”  Amen!

#thisismystory. I’d love to hear yours!